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::JEFF VANN::
If there is one thing I've learned in my 30+ years of drumming, it's that the more I learn about it the more I realize how much more there is to know.
There's always plenty of challenges in pursuing the ultimate goal. A great song. It's a real thrill to work with such gifted and creative musicians in
addition to their being great guys personally. Jason's faith, passion and vision amaze me. And Byron is our music theory guru and has been my bud through
thick and thin for years. I pray that our music will bring honor and glory to our Lord Jesus Christ.
My Spiritual Journey
The best and most important thing I could share with anyone is my spiritual journey which basically began on December 4th 1987. The day my first born son
Justin arrived. There were complications during delivery and Justin went without oxygen for a time while in the birth canal. He would later be diagnosed
as profoundly retarded with epilepsy and cerebral palsy. After his birth I was compelled to find out why God allowed this to happen to my innocent son. I
began reading the bible but came away even more bitter than before. Especially after reading the book of Job."How could a loving and just God allow such
suffering?" I would ask myself. This was a very good question and one I would not find an acceptable answer to until 13 years later when my heart was
receptive for the answer. I became very angry with God and I hated to hear any of those Christian clichés like "Things happen for a reason " or "God won't
give you more than you can handle". I became anti-Christian and for a time believed myself to be an atheist. But after years of embracing this ideology I
became uncomfortable with my atheistic spirituality and got real with myself about what I truly believed. Although I was still angry with God and still wanted
to believe like an atheist, I concluded that I couldn't truly believe that the universe, the stars, the planets and life in general and all it entails,
could have just happened on its own. I reluctantly acknowledged to myself that there could possibly be an intelligent designer who somehow created all of this.
Years passed, then suddenly on December 30th 1996 my son Justin died of pneumonia. He had just turned 9 years old. Developmentally Justin had about a 2 to 3
month old mental capacity. I thought to myself that since his mental development was so low, that he wouldn't be held accountable before God and therefore
if there was such a place as Heaven my son would surely be there. I continued living with an abstract idea of God until September of 2000 when my marriage of
17 years abruptly came to an end. This was something I would have never expected to happen and without a doubt was the most painful experience of my earthly
existence. I was devastated. Although I had family support and one really good true friend, Byron, I felt I was in a dessert of despair with no place for real
comfort except in the God I knew deep down inside existed. During the darkest chapter of my life I cried out to Him over and over again in agony. I sensed
His presence in a way that is impossible to convey into words. He accompanied me day after miserable day! The events that followed this was too ironic to be
coincidental. The very next month after my marriage ended I was surprisingly awarded a job with Sundays and Mondays off as opposed to my normal Mondays and
Tuesdays off. In the year leading up to the marital breakup I played in a successful bar band. Having Sundays off would have normally been great because I
could sleep in on Sundays after the Saturday night gig. But for some reason I was plagued by thoughts of taking my kids to church on Sundays. This thought
hounded me night and day. God was working in my life and I knew it! The very first sermon I heard as a now single man raising two children was on the subject
of……. Yep, you guessed it, SUFFERING!!! Isn't that amazing? I had rejected God because I didn't understand why He would allow suffering and now the first
church I go to afterward just happens to be teaching and answering my questions and objections about suffering. And it was as if the sermon was tailor made
for me! I heard things I had never heard before, thought of things I had never thought before and now with a humbled but comforted heart I wanted to know
more about this mysterious God I turned my back on 13 years earlier. My kids and I started visiting another church and the same thing happened there too,
tailor made for my ears. Other things were going on also but I'll suffice it to say that God wanted a relationship with me and I knew it!
In December of 2000 I accepted Christ and became a child of God! If you would have known me in the early 90's you would have thought me to be the least
likeliest person in the world to embrace the Christian faith. Now I know things happen for a reason. I'm still a work in progress because God isn't done
with me yet, but I can tell you that I am free of the vises I once thought gave me pleasure. Changes were brought about in me but not by me. I couldn't have
done it myself.
I could go on all day but let me briefly explain some of the things God has opened my eyes to. On faith, I now realize that we don't have to know all
the answers in order to have faith. If we knew all the answers then faith wouldn't be required and we would be equal to God. All knowing. Hebrews 11:6
says that without faith it's impossible to please God. On suffering, I don't believe we are always supposed to understand why certain things happen
the way they do. God wants us to trust Him. And in Isaiah 55:8 God says "My ways are not your ways". We can still trust and believe in Him without knowing
why things happened. One of the keys for me in coming to grips with suffering was in understanding Gods sovereignty. Everything we have, everything we are
and every fiber of our life tangible and intangible belongs to Him. He made it all and He knows what is best for us. He loves us and has a plan for our lives.
There are many reasons why a painful experience may actually be good for us: To grow us in a different direction, to draw us closer to Him, to learn how to
better rely on and trust Him or to eventually help someone else suffering with the same thing later, just to mention a few. The thing is that almost all of
human suffering can be traced back to human causes directly or indirectly. God didn't curse my son or end my marriage. Those events have human elements to blame.
But I felt His loving presence in my life when I cried out to Him! Now I am thankful for the dark chapters of my life. My son has a perfect mind, body and spirit
in paradise, I have learned some valuable lessons and am now a recipient of life everlasting. All of this and more as a result of being humbled enough to accept
Gods sovereignty, love and amazing gift of salvation! To Him be the glory!
Jeff Vann
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